i believe in leashes: my story

At one time, I believed that off-leash freedom was a basic right of dogs and something an owner should provide on a regular basis. I don't mean just in his own backyard. I believed that well-behaved dogs should be allowed to roam free every now and then. I advocated heavily for a dog park in Maricopa, the growing city we originally established ourselves in when we moved to Arizona. In fact, I was a founding member and chairperson of a group that raised a considerable amount of money toward that cause.

Over the years, I have changed my mind about public off-leash places, and, especially, about people allowing their dogs to roam free in their open garages or driveways. My current opinion is based on a solid combination of education, experience, and fear.

In April of 2007, I was walking a client's dog when my life was altered forever. Ralphie, a big, sweet, mixed-breed pooch, had been in my care numerous times, and we'd been on countless walks together. I knew her well. She was a calm, well-behaved girl who knew how to walk on a leash.

I had my boys with me that evening. B was going on eleven years old, and Porter was an infant, not even three months old. B pushed Porter in his stroller while I walked Ralphie. We took a typical route around the neighborhood on the sidewalk on the right side of the road. As we neared the end of the street where the road turned only one way, I heard a sudden commotion at a bank of mailboxes across the street.

It's true when they say time slows down when your adrenaline kicks in, but, still, it all happened so fast.

Three large dogs charged us. Their owner, a graying man standing at his open mailbox with an armful of letters, was left in the dust. I came to learn later that he was only just across the street from his home. He didn't feel he needed to leash his dogs.

I had time only to scream "GET YOUR BROTHER ACROSS THE STREET" to B, which he did in an instant. The dogs were not after me or my boys. They were after Ralphie. And she was such a sweetheart (maybe without much brains), that she didn't fight back. My instincts took over, and they were to protect her. It was three against one, and I was her back-up. She was in my charge, and I was responsible. Don't question my thought process, because there was no thought process.

I screamed. I kicked the other dogs. I flailed. But one thing I didn't do was let go of Ralphie's leash. If I did, I would completely lose control of her, and, as a professional pet sitter, that was unacceptable to me. She was my responsibility, and I had to protect her. The noise of the three dogs was frightening. They were wolves in that moment. There were teeth and there was strength in this unfairly balanced fight that I can't describe. I held on to the leash.

As the battle migrated, I was pulled down and drug over the asphalt. My stomach had road rash. I got up, and then I was pulled down and drug a second time, this time on my knees. Still, somehow, only by instinct (certainly not using whatever brains had), I still held on to the leash. I held on as the owner of the dogs drug each one by the collar back to his house as the remaining dog(s) continued their attack. Once the final dog was off, I ran Ralphie back to my boys. All I had left in me was adrenaline. The man tried to talk to me, and I just wanted to get away. I just wanted my boys and Ralphie as far away from that as we could get. The man hollered after me, but I don't know what he said. I just walked fast. It didn't matter my condition or Ralphie's in that moment. We just had to get far, far away.

We rounded the next corner, and B started talking to me. I told him to just be quiet and walk fast. He insisted. "Kristen, you're bleeding. You're bleeding really bad." I didn't feel pain, but when I looked down, I saw that my knees no longer had skin. Just then, a bit of pain registered in my hand. When I looked, I had to look away. Yes, there was blood, but the worst of it was the fact that my pinkie finger was bent at a 90-degree angle, and not in the natural way.

With all of my mothering and pet-protecting instincts in overdrive, and, admittedly, a ridiculously idiotic low-level of self-protective drive running through my veins, I told B not to worry...I'd be just fine. Let's just get home.

Miraculously, and unbelievably, Ralphie didn't have a scratch on her. I checked every. single. inch. She was perfect.

I don't remember how I got Ralphie home, but I remember needing B's help to feed her, because I only had one hand to work with. Feed her? As if an animal couldn't miss one meal under the circumstances. I went into auto-pilot, and, with help, I got the job done. In my mind, there was no other way. I wiped the blood off of my client's floor and took the bloody paper towels with me, not wanting to leave something so alarming behind. Porter was awake, but kept quiet. B listened and followed my every direction, which was also miraculous.

We got into my stick-shift Jeep Wrangler. Before we left the driveway, I dialed Ralphie's mom. I told her voice mail first that Ralphie was fine, and then I apologized for having to cut the visit a bit short, but that I needed some medical attention.

"Where are we going?" B asked.

"I don't know, yet." I remember telling myself, for the first time, to think. Think. Think. How was I going to drive the Jeep with one hand?

Somehow, we arrived at the local urgent care, which was the largest medical facility our small town had. They looked at me and immediately told me they couldn't help and that I needed to go to the hospital.

I drove home (how they allowed me to do that with two children is still a mystery), and I called my husband at work. "Please, please come home and help me. There's been an accident with some dogs, and I'm pretty sure I have a broken finger." That's when I looked down at my hand for the second time, and realized I'd best not look again. My husband was on his way. Porter started to cry because he was hungry. I pulled him to my breast, but I couldn't hold him. I needed my hand to work. B held his baby brother while I heated a bottle of pumped breast milk and defrosted a few more, predicting that I might not be able to feed him for a while. My husband came home and went into action, letting me believe he wasn't any more concerned than I was. He drove us all to the hospital. X-rays were taken. The nurses cleaned me up and put my hand in large cast-like bandage. They instructed me not to remove it, gave me a prescription for painkillers, and made me an appointment with the valley's top orthopedist for first thing the next morning.

I don't remember much else from that night, but I do remember wondering what the big deal was. My dad had had countless football injuries and stories of his coaches popping his fingers back in to place. He went right back into the game, and that was all I could think of. Why couldn't the hospital staff do just that and send me on my way? Why wasn't I simply back in the game?

I learned from the orthopedist the next morning that three fingers on my left hand were broken clean through, but not cleanly. There were jagged edges and fun things like that. I dreaded being in a cast for who knew how long, and then the doctor casually told me that my surgery was scheduled. SURGERY? For silly little fingers? Yes, there would be permanent screws and lots of physical therapy. I was in denial and disbelief.

The reality of the situation came to be that I had two surgeries, six months of physical therapy, and I still have very limited mobility in those three fingers to this day. I'm fine. I mean, considering the recent events that have left so many without limbs at all, what am I complaining about?

Where am I now? I have pain or discomfort every day, but natural joint supplements help. I can't bend my fingers properly, which makes some tasks difficult. I have a hard time holding small items, and it's tough to tie a pretty bow on a birthday package. Braiding my daughter's hair is a challenge, but I manage to get it done. It's difficult for me to cut with a knife and fork, because holding the fork in my left hand isn't easy. There are a bunch of things I can't do properly, but, still, I can do everything in my way, and I am a whole, fine person. Even so, it still sucks.

My life was forever changed simply because that man thought in that particular moment that he didn't need to leash his dogs. He was just going across the street. He was just checking his mailbox. His dogs were nice. His dogs knew commands. His dogs were in his control. He didn't account for variables.

I'm very cautious, now, when it comes to off-leash dogs. If an untethered canine comes down a driveway at me while I'm walking a dog, I am not shy about letting the owner know that the situation is unacceptable. The owner might say "don't worry...he's friendly." But how does he know my dog is friendly? How does he know that their combination won't be volatile? Although any public off-leash situation now makes me leery, appropriate and allowable off-leash situations exist. Save it for the dog park, when everyone in attendance understands that it is an off-leash situation and is choosing to put themselves and their animals in that position. Invite some doggie pals over for a party, and let them run around, free, in your own backyard.

People and other animals should not be placed in jeopardy because someone feels their dog has a right to "freedom." Dog owners need to take every precaution.

I believe in leashes.

seeing things with Sadie

Some animals I meet stay in my heart long after their need for my care is over. I can't say exactly why. I love all of the animals I see (well, maybe there have been a couple I could have done without), but we all have our favorites, no matter how awful that is to admit. There is just this different kind of bond that occurs with some. Sadie is one of those for me. She passed away some time ago, but I truly think of her every day.

Sadie was an eleven-year-old Shar-pei when her parents, June and Ron, called upon me to care for her while they would go out of town. Their home was perfectly kept, save for a border of dots and smears about a foot and a half up the wall all around their home. They were the markings Sadie made with her nose as she navigated her surroundings. Sadie was blind.

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Sadie's dad, Ron, told me about how they were reluctant to take Sadie on when they first saw her, and she wasn't blind then. They were not considering another pet at the time. Isn't that how it always goes? Ron and June gave in to Sadie's charms when some friends brought her to them as a six-week-old puppy. "That night little Sadie just snuggled up to June and did not want to leave," Ron recalled. "We figured this was an omen and agreed to make her part of our family."

Ron explained that though Sadie was "truly a great dog and caused very little problems," there was that one incident with his father's toupée. Oh, and a separate incident with a bag of Hershey's Kisses. She was special, but not immune to common canine temptations.

Sadie acquired SARDS and lost her eyesight rapidly. She learned to swim out of necessity, after falling in the pool on several occasions. She adapted to new surroundings after a couple of moves, but when the family moved to Estrella, "she was very disoriented most of the time. Sometimes she couldn't find her way out and had to relieve herself inside. Other times she did find her way out, but could not find her way back in, and the 100+ degree weather would just wear her out," reflected Ron. "After two months of watching her fade...we decided that the best thing would be to put her down." Ron and June stayed with her until after she took her final breath. Her ashes were scattered in a field in northern Arizona amongst the flowers "where she could chase butterflies until we join her."

When I first met Sadie, I didn't think we'd connect very well. There was no sparkle in her eyes that happy, excited dogs usually get when they meet me. No panting, toothy smile. Just a droopy head and sad face. I thought she was smart and brave, but cautious. She knew where to find her food and water and where her doggie door was. She knew where the main pieces of furniture were, and she could navigate mostly without bumping into much, though it would make me sad if she'd miss a doorway or get stuck in a corner, confused, which would happen on occasion. And I would feel terribly guilty if I pulled a chair out to sit and saw her bump into it.

Sadie taught me how to interact with her, and every time I was with her, I learned a bit more. She loved to be pet, but a sudden pat on the head could be quite startling for her because she couldn't see it coming. I learned that if I told her I was going to pet her, she wouldn't flinch quite as bad, and if I kept my hand in contact with her, she quite enjoyed the attention.

Sadie knew where the furniture was, but she didn't always know where I was, so I learned to talk to her as I went about my business of filling her water bowl or scooping her poop in the back yard. That way, she could stand securely next to me and enjoy the company rather than be apprehensive about the possibility of bumping into me. I'd sound pretty silly chattering on about nothing, but we all act embarrassingly silly around our pets, right? RIGHT? Well, Sadie liked it, anyway.

She knew exactly where her doggie door was. Right next to the master bedroom slider. I would exit out the slider to clean the yard and hang out in the sun with her. Although I'd open the glass door wide and call to her, an opportunity not to be missed by a sighted dog, she'd still use her doggie door, a behavior of hers that always made me giggle.

She seemed to like me more and more as the months passed. She relaxed around me. And though I never saw that happy smile I longed for, she just seemed warmer, like she was smiling on the inside.

My main challenge with Sadie became filling the time. My pet sitting visits are about an hour in length, time usually spent taking a walk or playing fetch, activities too challenging for Sadie's condition. So I started bringing whatever novel I was reading at the time, and I'd sit and pet her while I read. I noticed that once I became quiet, stopping my chatter to read, Sadie would lose interest in me and wander off to be alone. But there's only so much you can chat about with a dog. So I started reading to her. I'd sit on the floor and start reading my book out loud. Instead of wandering off, She'd cock her head to the side and settle in next to me, sometimes even putting her head in my lap. The best way I can describe the experience is bonding. Just simple bonding. That type of intimacy is pretty special.

I often think of these reading times with Sadie. She didn't seem to have a preference for fiction or nonfiction. She didn't mind crude humor or historical diatribes. She liked it all, as long as she could hear me. Sometimes, now, when I sit down with a good book, I think of Sadie and wish her sweet little wrinkled head would be there to lay my hand upon and not let go.

what's grosser than gross?

You want to know the dirt, right? People ask me about what crazy clients I've had or if I've ever been bitten, or whose house is the filthiest. It's true that I've "seen it all." When enough time passes and I don't name names, these things become stories of lore. So let me tell you about the grossest job I ever did.

Pet sitters often network and get to know one another and sometimes rely upon each other in times of need. Many several of few years ago in a land far, far away and gone, one of my colleagues/competitors explained that she was "beyond fully booked" for the weekend, and could I care for a couple of dogs for her. It was a long-standing client of hers, and it would be easy, she assured me.

This is different than a referral. She wasn't offering the client to me, just asking me to be an "employee for a day," kind-of taking away the beauty of self-employment. I was happy to do it. Put in a good deed for someone, and it might one day come back to you, right?

Long story short: Two sweet, delightful Scottish Terriers, each in their own crate when no one is around, released upon my arrival, and tucked back in to cozy upon my departure. I was informed that they could sometimes have nervous tummies when their owners were away. Well, who doesn't? The standard wait-time for eating in nervous-bellied pooches is three days. They drink, they eat treats, and they survive until the third day, when they decide they want to live to see their family return and give in to the kibble. Textbook.

The first time I entered the home, I was startled by the unmistakable odor of uncontrolled, explosive, liquid poo. The sight was far beyond what I'd imagined in my nightmares. Each dog was frantic, friendly and excited to meet me, yet, alarmed, splashing around in a pond of their own excrement, with a pattern of crusty fireworks on the white wall just behind them. Clearly, I hadn't been given the full story about these cases of "nervous tummies," and, certainly, these dogs had been carefully selected for me as the créme de la créme of jobs to pass along to gullible competitors.

I spent the next two hours bathing the dogs, laundering their bedding, and hosing off their crates. I, of course, let my "boss" know, and requested that she inform her client that her animals were quite ill. I doubt that she did, as my concerns were promptly ignored, and I was told that all of this was quite normal. I, too, had to be disinfected...legs scrubbed free of graffiti left by happy paws. Best not to go into detail.

For the next four days, the dogs' situation was much the same. I felt awful for them, but also became resentful and curious as to why such a problem was passed on to me, and, even more so, why my "boss" had no desire to check on them herself. Maybe that's a story for another time.

Don't worry. The dogs lived and fared well. My lesson was learned. I experienced what is grosser than gross, and, that, I must censor for your own good. To put on a positive spin, the dogs and I certainly bonded. I think I perhaps provided the best care they had ever received.

So you ask about gross? All I could do was use it as a learning experience. Don't pet sit for competitors' clients. Always have direct contact with pet parents. Know that "nervous tummy" is a cute euphemism. Love the animals, no matter what (they actually enjoy nine bubble baths in four days). And always know where your nearest barf bag is.

Oh, and when the client tells you that he'd like to hire you for future visits because you did much, much better than the pet sitter they hired in the first place, take the high road and teach him a thing or two about loyalty.

fearful dogs and cats: breaking the barrier

When I schedule an initial consultation, a prospective client might warn me that their pet is is "shy" or "timid" or "skittish." In reality, their animal is fearful of strangers and new situations, and possibly a whole host of other things. This type of animal is actually a wonderful candidate for the right professional in-home pet sitter. Some animals are fearful because they have had a negative experience in the past. Unfortunately, they can't tell us why they are troubled. I still haven't completely given up my girlhood dream that an animal might someday just speak up. 

Until then, it's up to us to take charge of the situation and do our best to ease the animal's fears. I have a method that is almost always successful. New clients are often amazed that their usually-reclusive animal will snuggle up to me only a few minutes after my arrival. "Wow, she really likes you. She never likes anyone." 

Take the situation where you're arriving at a friend's house. The dog is barking it's brains out and retreating or hiding behind something. (Yes, many dogs bark at me when I first meet them.) If you want to be friends with the animal, what would your first instinct be? 

I'm guessing it would be to talk to the animal and ease it's fears. Show how friendly you are by raising the pitch of your voice and smiling at the dog, perhaps approaching it with your hand out in an unthreatening way. That would be very sweet of you, but would be the last thing you'd want to do. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, it would only worsen the situation. A human might see a friend, but a dog would see a threat. Your strange voice would alarm her. Making eye contact with her is considered a threat in dog language. Putting your hand out invites a bite, and moving toward the dog makes her feel like you are chasing her. And that nice smile? Well, in the dog's mind, you're bearing your teeth, a sign of impending attack.

Perhaps if you entice the dog with a treat? Then you would only be reinforcing the behavior you don't want to see. Oops. Let's definitely not do that. 

What can you do instead?

Nothing.

It may seem a bit odd, so I always warn my potential clients ahead of time. "Please know that when I arrive, I'll ignore Princess since you told me she's shy. It's not because I don't want to be her friend, but I want her to be able to get to know me on her terms."

When I am invited in the home and Princess is barking and hiding behind her owner, I don't even look at her. I act as if she's not there. I greet the owner and any other friendly animals that may want to hug and kiss me, but completely ignore Princess. She gets to see that I'm not a threat to others in the home. I then ask the owner if there is a place where we can sit and chat about the animals in the home. We sit at a kitchen table or living room couch. 

Usually within a couple of minutes of my sitting down, Princess will be sniffing my leg. I continue to ignore her. She may retreat and come back a few times. Once she is relaxed and seems to be more comfortable, I'll offer the back of my hand, without saying a word, and without looking at her. If she sniffs my hand and stays, I'll scratch her chin. It is important not to put my hand on top of the dog's head, because that is a dominance signal. Fearful dogs need you to help them rise to the occasion (chin up) rather than show them your dominance (covering the top of their head). There is a place for the head pat with secure, confident animals. 

I'm gaining trust at this point, but I don't talk to her or look at her. At all. In fact, when the consultation is over, I leave the home without ever having acknowledged Princess directly. You know how you should always leave your date wanting more? Well, the same goes here. 

When I come back next time, the owners usually aren't home. Princess may bark for a bit, and I'll just ignore her. She then remembers me as a non-threatening individual and warms up quickly. 

Just this past weekend, I cared for a fearful dog. She was a brand new client, and I ignored her during my first visit to the home when the owners were away. She barked at first, so I sat down and pet the other dogs. I kept my back to the fearful dog. I eventually felt her sniffing my back. It took a couple of visits, but she finally allowed me to pet her. It was all on her terms, so she felt comfortable. We aren't best friends, yet, but these matters take time, like any solid relationship. 

Fearful cats can be a bit more stubborn, but the method is just the same. I have won over quite a few felines this way. For the few that stay in hiding, I always make sure to see their glowing eyes before I leave them alone, just to make sure they are safe. There is one home I have been visiting for eight years now, and I've still never seen the two cats who live there. I know their hiding places, so I quickly peek for the glowing eyes, and then go about the business of feeding and litter-box scooping. I don't ever pester them or try to coax them out, because I know that would only make them hide deeper in the closet or trick me with an altogether new hiding spot. I'm not sure there's any chance I'll ever get to pet those two, but I always keep a bit of hope.

The trick to gaining the trust of a fearful animal is to always remember that the dog is a dog and the cat is a cat. Learn their language for the best chance to break down their fearful barrier to lifelong friendship. 

disclaimer: Sometimes fearful animals can become aggressive. Always use extreme caution around aggressive animals. Truly aggressive animals can be very dangerous and may require professional, one-on-one attention for rehabilitation. 

the moment of truth: deciding about euthanasia

The other night I had a conversation with a dear, lifelong friend. She sought my opinion and advice about her impending decision about when to euthanize her dog, who suffers from a terminal heart condition. This decision is the ultimate terror for any pet parent. I believe all of us would rather our pet just pass peacefully in his sleep and spare us the misery of choosing the proper time. The right time. The best time.

Each situation is unique in terms of the pet and the owner. There is the physical status of the pet and the emotional condition of the owner. And, though we don't want to expose the elephant in the room, there is the financial aspect, as well. I believe that all three issues must be taken into consideration, with the pet's comfort and quality of life being the absolute number one consideration.

I have helped several clients and friends through this difficult time, and the hardest situation is when the owner can't let go and lets the pet suffer. I have only witnessed this a couple of times and was able to gently guide things in what I considered to be the direction in the best interest of the pet.

When evaluating the physical condition of the pet and deciding when to make the final call, I truly believe in the "you'll know" philosophy. You know your pet best. If they aren't themselves and can't enjoy life, you'll see that. There is a difference between a pet who is slowing down and a pet who is in pain and can't function. The connection between you and your pet can't be denied, and your pet will be able to communicate to you in some way. You'll be in tune to that, and you'll do the right thing, even though it's hard.

Your emotional state is very important, though secondary to your pet's needs. When we become pet parents, we have to know that eventually we will likely be called upon to make this decision. No matter what, there will be some degree of guilt...Did I wait too long? Did I do it too soon? Did I do enough? You have to know that you have done the best you can for your pet. Your pet knows that. Your pet knows your love. Your pet knows. Though the last moment we have with our pets is usually heartbreaking, it's hopefully peaceful, and we should walk away remembering not just that moment, but all the wonderful times, which made up the majority of your time together.

And then there's the money. Having a pet with a long-term disease or issue can often be costly, and the decisions we have to make regarding what to do and the extent to go to can be financially agonizing, which only adds to our guilt. Even if you have all the money in the world, some tests and procedures can be invasive, stressful, and even painful for your pet. Regardless of cost, you have to evaluate the likelihood that it will make a difference. If you can afford something and it's minimally invasive to a declining pet, then go for it. But spending any amount of money on something that is very unlikely to make a difference, especially if it is invasive, just doesn't make sense for you or your pet. I have seen people spend thousands of dollars for an invasive procedure that had little chance of bettering the quality of their pet's life. It can certainly make you feel that you've done absolutely everything. That helps your emotions in the moment, but it doesn't help your pet. And it doesn't help your pocketbook to consent to unnecessary procedures. If you have a quality veterinarian (that you've hopefully built a relationship with), they will help guide you through the process. Most have you're pet's best interests at heart.

Your pet's quality of life is the number one priority. When we sign up to be pet parents, we commit to making the best decision for those in our care. Finances must also be considered, as well as our own emotions. This time in your pet's life is, without question, the most difficult. Trust your instincts, and move forward with confidence. The love and unbreakable bond will be there, no matter what.