Ah, California, I miss you so. Though I've lived in Arizona since 2005, Californa will always be home. Nice to know they are up on their animal regulations. Check it out:
• Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. Because they totally know that it's a tavern, school, or place of worship. Get a room.
• In Cerritos, all dog waste must be removed from any yard within seven days. That long, huh?
• In Norco, all persons wishing to keep a rhinoceros as a pet must obtain a $100 license first. I'm thinking the cost of the license is the least of their worries.
• In Ventura County, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. And where should said cats and dogs apply for their permit?
• In Belvedere, "no dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash." Finally, a solution for those unruly masters.
• In Chico, driving a herd of cattle down a street is against the law. I knew Chico was a party school, but I didn't know they got this wild.
• In Temecula, ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California Street at all times. I brake for ducks.
• In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are to be treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs. Equal rights for all! Except the other animals who are not lizards and snakes.
• In Los Angeles, it is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. The law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison. I don't know about your dog, but mine doesn't have that kind of money.
• It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. Because the whaling industry needs protection?
• In Hollywood, it is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. Because the traffic is bad enough as it it.
• In Portola, it is illegal to fish from an overpass in the city. I'll be honest. I've never been to Portola, but I believe an overpass, by definition, passes over another roadway or railroad, no? Seems to me it would be enough of a challenge to get a bite. What do I know? I'm not a fisherman.
• In San Jose, it is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. I'm supposing none of my readers are from San Jose.
• In Chico, it is illegal to own a green or smelly animal hide. Those frat brothers are at it again.
• In San Francisco, it is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner. But as long as it's not on the corner...
• In Lompoc, it is illegal to posses, own, or raise roosters, as it is considered disturbing the peace. Cock-a-doodle-doo!
• It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Love it. Love it. LOVE it! Go mice! The next time I want a law passed, I'm asking their lobbyists for help.
• In San Diego, it is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar. Use your own car, dammit!
• In Palm Springs, it is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six p.m. Any other time, have at it.
• In Oakland, it is illegal to rob a birds' nest from a public cemetery. Who would do such a thing?
• In Pacific Grove, molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine. It's about time those butterflies got some respect, boys!
• In Fresno, no one may annoy a lizard in a city park. So take your lizard-pestering elsewhere.
• In Portola, no person may carry a fish into a bar. Unless he's 21+, and then I'm buying that fish a drink.
• In Portola, one may not allow his or her dog to chase a squirrel in the summer. Any other season is fine, though, so let your dog know he only has to take a break for a couple of months.
• In Cathedral City, one may not bring their dog to school. In order to preserve California's high education standards?
• In Shasta Lake, raffling off a dog as a gift in a public place is prohibited. Beware of underground dog gift raffling. Shasta Lakers, we're on to you!
• In Glendale, one may not take his dog on an elevator with him. So I guess you'll have to send your dog up separately, on his own. Let's hope he can reach the buttons.
• In Arcadia, peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. And, no, you may not just back over them, even if you're late for work.
• San Francisco prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash. I wonder what the street trolley fare is for those unleashed elephants.
• In Ontario, roosters may not crow in the city limits. You'll have to buy yourselves alarm clocks, Ontario.
• In Los Angeles, toads may not be licked. No way, maaaaaan...
• In Blythe, you are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. But what if I'm just passin' through?
• In Los Angeles, you may not hunt moths under a streetlight. Well, of course. That would be an unfair advantage.
• It is unlawful to let your dog pursue a bear or bobcat at any time. One bear law? That's it? I say, if your dog has the cojones, let him go for it.
Check back next week when we take a look at Colorado!
