Grab yourself a Cuban coffee and settle in. Florida is serious about it's animal laws:
In Key West, chickens are considered a "protected species." Go, chickens!
In Destin, law states that a cat that viciously chases passers-by is a "bad cat." There are no bad cats. Only bad people who dare to pass by the house of the demon cat. I wonder if there is more than one, or just that one with a law-leveraging reputation.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. You'd think natural consequences would be enough.
Hunting and killing a deer while swimming is illegal. Get a boat.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. But what if he's standing on the sidewalk?
In Miami, It is against the law for a man to force his wife to dress as a parrot–even if she is hideously ugly. So try forcing her to dress like a peacock. Everyone knows how distracting those tail feathers are.
It is against the law to dream about another man's wife or cow. But a dream about his wife and cow is perfectly acceptable. I won't tell if you won't.
It is against the law to put livestock on a school bus. Did you know Florida has some of the lowest test scores among livestock? These poor creatures have such a hard time getting to school.
In Destin, It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store. You have to charge.
In Big Pine Key, It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught, one will be fined or will have to go to jail. Especially if you're swimming.
In Miami, it is illegal to park your elephant on 8th Street on Sundays after 1 p.m. All other times, don't forget to pay the meter!
In Miami, it is illegal to imitate animals. I'm guessing their prisons must be overcrowded with preschoolers.
In Oakland, no ass can stand on a sidewalk within town limits. I'm not sure if this is an animal law, but let's enjoy it, anyway.
In Miami, no one may bring a pig with them to a theater. They eat all the popcorn.
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. Well that's reasonable. 200 years ago.
Rats are forbidden from leaving the ships docked in Tampa Bay. Rats must disembark at another dock. Sorry. Don't forget to return to the ship by 6:00 p.m. for your buffet and Vegas-style show!
Termite farms are not allowed within the city of Miami. What about ant farms?
In Sarasota, you may not catch crabs. Don't start scratching, or the authorities will be on to you.
In Miami, no one may bring a pig with them to the beach. Probably because they sunburn so easily.
The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs not to be confined in cages. So that's why there is such an overpopulation of pigs in Florida! They take advantage of the system and just keep having babies so the state government will provide them with a cushy place to live. Get a job, pigs!
